My babies!

I just realized I haven't posted pics of my babies!!!  My RE and embryologist referred to them as perfect! 

I <3 them so much already!

Missing her every day...

10dpt...

My test this morning was just beautiful...who ever thought a pee soaked stick could be considered beautiful!

Tomorrow is beta.  I know it will be positive...I feel like I already know it will double by Wednesday.  I have this strange confidence that this is it.  I don't feel as scared as I had before.  I feel very calm...anxious.  I just want to see my baby/ies on the u/s and know they are ok. 

I feel very emotional.  Everything makes me want to cry...I can't watch a TV show without tearing up.  I just watched Teen Mom 2 and I fought back tears the whole time.  The nausea has also kicked in full force. I woke up this morning feeling like I was going to gag...I just have this knot in my throat.  I love it tho...knowing my body is doing what it needs to.  I just pray it continues to do what it should and my baby/ies are nice and snuggled in...

I looked up my due date and I'll be due 11/19...just 5 days before Thanksgiving.  I'm so excited to have a little turkey!!!

I also want to say Happy Birthday Sarah!  My BFF would have been 27 today had her life not ended too soon when she was only 16.  I love you and miss you every day!  I know you will watch over the baby growing inside me.  Miss you so much!!!

I love sitting on Cloud 9...its so comfy!

9dpt...

Just one more day and its beta day!!!  I'm praying for an awesome number!  With my tests getting so dark I don't think it will be a problem...I just don't want to get too confident.  I still have a long way to go for the worrying to stop.  I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy tho...if something is going to happen I it isn't going to matter if I get excited or not!  I never want to regret not being 100% ecstatic about this pregnancy!! 

If all goes well we will tell our family at Easter.  I'm going to have DS wear a shirt that says (on front)
Question: What happens in November?" (back) "Answer: I'm going to be a BIG Brother!"  It is so cute...I'm thinking about wearing one that says "Due in November"  Not real sure yet...I'm not ordering DS shirt until after the u/s and we see a hb.  I can't wait to tell him! 

I'm still trucking along with the Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO and Prog/E2V suppositories...Tuesday should be my last E2V injection...I get to stop those when my beta doubles and by Wednesday I will know if it has doubles! 

I'm starting to feel sick after I eat...it started with pizza at lunch yesterday...I felt fine at dinner tho.  Today at lunch I felt a little nauseous afterwards but not too bad...this evening I feel like I could puke and I have horrible heartburn!  I'm also crampy again...I just feel like AF is going to show any minute!  I'm also still so tired..I took a nap today...still sleepy!  Hopefully I can get some good sleep tonight and sleep in tomorrow!  Since we're losing an hour!  Boo! =-(

Here is my progression so far...starts at 5dp5dt AM, then PM...all the way up to today...9dp5dt AM!!  Progressing nicely!

It's real!!!!

8dpt...

I'm still pregnant!  Tests are still getting darker!  Even my PM test today was as dark as this AM and I drank a TON of water and just had about a 2 hour hold!  I just need my beta to double from Monday to Wednesday.  I'm ready for the worry to lessen...I know it won't go away but it would be nice to worry a little less!

So DH and I decided to buy DS a shirt that says "I'm the BIG Brother!" and have him wear it at Easter...we will tell him a few days before to give him some time to let it sink in....then have him wear the shirt!  I'm pretty excited!! I just hope he cooperates!  I think he will be excited.  He talks about wanting a sibling so hopefully he means it and he's ready!  I can't believe he will be 8 by the time we have this baby!  I always thought my kids would be close in age...oh well...this is the baby that was meant to be mine.  Who cares how long it took to get to me!  I love this baby so much already...or maybe babies?  I'm trying not to think too much about twins...I would LOVE twins but twins scare me too!  It will already be a high risk pregnancy and 2 babies would make it even more high risk!  But the thought of twins is so exciting!  I guess we'll know in a couple of weeks!!!!

Somebody pinch me...

6dpt...

I feel like I'm dreaming...this can't be real!  It worked!  I'm pregnant!!  Oh WOW!  I'm happy, excited, anxious, nervous, terrified, over the moon!!!!  Monday is my first beta...2nd is on Wednesday...my tests are getting darker so I feel good at the moment that betas will be fine...I'm terrified of that u/s.  I don't want to go...I'd rather just wait a couple of weeks.  I already told DH that I'm not looking...I'm laying there with my eyes closed and waiting for someone to say something good...

There are just too many emotions going right now...it is so hard to believe after 6 years and so much heartache we might be bringing home a baby!  OMG!!!  We won't be telling family until Easter...I will be 10 weeks then and we won't see everyone for a while after that so we decided that's the best time...I'm nervous...I would rather not tell anyone...just let them figure it out when I get huge...Oh I hope I get the chance to be huge!  I will damn it...I won't take no for an answer!  I'm pregnant!!!!  I'm going to have another baby!!!!!  I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

Oh...thats not good!

5dpt...

So I tested this morning (Surprise!  Surprise!) and I got a faint line...so I tested with SMU and it was darker...so I tested again around 3pm...maybe a little darker....so I tested again when I got home from work (yes I tested at work!) and its def darker!!!  OMG!  This has to be it...I want this baby more than anyone will ever know.  I just need my beta on Monday and Wednesday to be good and double and then I have to survive the u/s which will be a week from my Wednesday beta.  I just want to cry...I still haven't told DH I tested...he hasn't asked.  I think he assumes I will be so overjoyed I won't be able to keep it from him.  Its killing me but I don't want him to worry...The less he knows the better!  But I want to scream to him "I'm pregnant!!!!!!!" 

Saturday DH kept looking at me when we were out running around and I would ask him what and he kept saying I looked so pretty and he kept commenting on my make up...it was funny...then he finally sd "You're glowing!"  I thought it was an ironic choice of words since I should be glowing!!!  idk...it made me smile! 

Nothing new as far as sxs...still tired...hungry and oh so emotional!  We went to a basketball game Sunday and during the "Kiss Cam" a guy proposed to his GF...I got all teary and almost cried!  It was so sweet!

The injections still suck!  Last nights PIO about made me cry...it hurt so bad!  Tonight I had to to E2V and PIO...PIO went fine...stung but not too bad.  The E2V hurt like hell and when DH pulled out the needle it squirted blood...all over my pants and the carpet!  Luckily I was able to get it out of the carpet...DH freaked out!  I should only have 2 more of those left!  Yay!

The TWW is torture!!!!

4dpt...

I can't believe I've already started testing...so much for waiting!  I think I might have the tiniest little line but idk.  I keep telling myself not to get excited...I guess I will know in a few days...

After lunch I started feeling nauseous.  It was kind of weird b/c I didn't feel like I had eaten too much...just all of a sudden felt like I was going to be sick.  I also got really hot...I had been cold all day and just felt flushed all of a sudden.  It was strange...after about an hour I felt fine.  I'm just really tired...maybe I'll get in bed early so it won't seem like so long before I get to POAS again!!