I make miracles happen!

We saw 2 beautiful flickering little hearts.  Words can not describe the amazing feeling I had in that moment.  The feeling I still have...its so amazing!  Everything was perfect.  My RE has released me to my OB.  So no more trips to Dallas.  Which makes me a little sad...I'm going to miss him and the nurses.  They are all so amazing. 

Everything has been so different...gone so perfectly.  It scares me that everything is going so right.  I keep expecting something bad to happen.  I hate thinking that way.  I was so scared for our u/s. Then in 2 minutes it was all over and I was sitting there with tears in my eyes, holding pictures of my beautiful babies!  This is real.  I'm having TWINS!  No more negative thoughts...no more worries.  Babies looked great and I won't worry unless there is a reason!  I'm just so excited!

I have an OB appt on April 15th.  We will hopefully be doing another u/s.  I can't wait to see my babies again!  

Just 2 more days....

and I get to see my babies!  I'm so nervous and anxious...I just pray all is well!!!

Sorry I've been MIA...

I've been busy celebrating!  I am 5w4d today!  I'm stuck on Cloud 9!!

These are our babies!!!  Yep....BABIES!!  We're having TWINS!!!  Holy Smokes!!!

I am still in disbelieve.  I am so excited.  We have truly been blessed beyond belief.  We have been through so much heartache in the past 6 years and for once I feel like this is finally it.  We are bringing home these babies! 

I had an appt with my RE yesterday for an u/s to see how many were baking.  We were called back by my nurse Heather.  I stripped down from the waist down and we waited...seriously felt like an eternity!  Dr. Saleh has never made me wait that long.  I was a hot mess!  I thought I was going to puke, pass out, hyperventilate...it was just bad!  Finally he comes in...he's telling me that we want to see a ges sac and yolk sac at this point...so he starts the u/s...I see one little bean...I felt some relief knowing something was there...then I see it again...or so I thought I was seeing it again when he says "Looks like you have twins!  Congratulations"  DH says "Seriously?!?"  So Dr. S is looking and I'm bawling...I was in shock...I had a feeling it was twins, I knew of the possibility but to actually hear it was amazing!  Then he pointed out the tiny little speck in both that was the yolk sac!  At this point in or other pregnancy we only had an empty sac so it is a huge milestone to see yolk sacs!  I couldn't stop crying...Dr. S sd he saw exactly what he wanted to and we will see the heartbeats next Tuesday!!

Tuesday can't come fast enough!  I can't wait to see those little flickering hearts!  We will be telling everyone after the appt. I can't wait any longer!  I am going to email a picture of the u/s to my MIL and just wait for her phone call!  I will do the same thing to my sister and Mom...they both know I'm pregnant but don't know its TWINS!  Funny thing...when I started this blog I emailed the link to my sister...I don't guess she ever got the link b/c if she kept up with me she'd already know!!! 

Gotta love that beta!!

4w4d...

Not sure if I have mentioned it but I hate PIO!!!!  I've been using the sesame oil and its finally started giving me knots and big red itchy spots!  So I ordered the Ethyl Olate from my compounding pharmacy and OMG..Why would anyone use anything else!  Its so much thinner and doesn't hurt at all!  IF (which I won't) ever have to do this again I will use the EO from the beginning...I'm so sore and itchy!  Hopefully just another week, 2 at the most, and I will be done with it!  I do get to stop the E2V!!  Woohoo!  I still continue the Prenatal, Dex, PIO and suppositories.  My ultrasound is the 22nd!  I can't wait...oh..have I mentioned...my beta was 1297!!!!  My RE was very excited about it!!!  As am I!!!

Still super tired, nauseous from the time I wake up, horrible heartburn....that's about it.  Still a little cramping but not much at all and I only notice it when I'm paying attention.

Here is a pic of my full progression from all of my tests...

I'm all out of tests so looks like I have to stop obsessing! 





It begins...

4w3d...

I have my 2nd beta tomorrow.  I am very optimistic that it will be a fabulous number!  It has to be!!

So...I didn't think cravings started for awhile but I can't stop thinking about Chili Cheese Fritos...I made a special trip to Target b/c I knew we were about out...this was my dinner tonight...

That is a Chili Cheese Frito sandwich on wheat with Ranch!  Yum!

I only have to IC left...I will save those for tomorrow so I can see how dark it is with my beta...but here is tonights test...with maybe a 30 minute hold and drinking TONS of water...I must say, I'm impressed!

I will update with my beta tomorrow!  I can't wait!  I can't believe I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!  I'll never get tired of saying that!!!



Holy Beta Batman!

11dpt...

578!!!  That's one hell of a beta!  I'm pretty freakin excited!!!!  I just pray it doubles Wednesday...When my RE called he was so excited...it got me all excited and I cried!  I was at work when I got the call and I went to DH and wrote 578!!!  On a Post It...he just started cheezin and gave me a high five...we couldn't really celebrate...so that was his way of letting me know how excited he is!!!

On the way home we talked a lot about being pregnant.  He asked me if I would make hamburgers for dinner...I sd "We don't have any buns"...he says "We do, there in the oven"  I gave him the craziest look and sd "We have buns in the oven?"  Then I realized what I sd and he sd "We sure as hell do!!"  It was pretty funny! 

I just have too many emotions and feeling going on right now...I will update more when my emotions aren't so high!!! 

My babies!

I just realized I haven't posted pics of my babies!!!  My RE and embryologist referred to them as perfect! 

I <3 them so much already!

Missing her every day...

10dpt...

My test this morning was just beautiful...who ever thought a pee soaked stick could be considered beautiful!

Tomorrow is beta.  I know it will be positive...I feel like I already know it will double by Wednesday.  I have this strange confidence that this is it.  I don't feel as scared as I had before.  I feel very calm...anxious.  I just want to see my baby/ies on the u/s and know they are ok. 

I feel very emotional.  Everything makes me want to cry...I can't watch a TV show without tearing up.  I just watched Teen Mom 2 and I fought back tears the whole time.  The nausea has also kicked in full force. I woke up this morning feeling like I was going to gag...I just have this knot in my throat.  I love it tho...knowing my body is doing what it needs to.  I just pray it continues to do what it should and my baby/ies are nice and snuggled in...

I looked up my due date and I'll be due 11/19...just 5 days before Thanksgiving.  I'm so excited to have a little turkey!!!

I also want to say Happy Birthday Sarah!  My BFF would have been 27 today had her life not ended too soon when she was only 16.  I love you and miss you every day!  I know you will watch over the baby growing inside me.  Miss you so much!!!

I love sitting on Cloud 9...its so comfy!

9dpt...

Just one more day and its beta day!!!  I'm praying for an awesome number!  With my tests getting so dark I don't think it will be a problem...I just don't want to get too confident.  I still have a long way to go for the worrying to stop.  I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy tho...if something is going to happen I it isn't going to matter if I get excited or not!  I never want to regret not being 100% ecstatic about this pregnancy!! 

If all goes well we will tell our family at Easter.  I'm going to have DS wear a shirt that says (on front)
Question: What happens in November?" (back) "Answer: I'm going to be a BIG Brother!"  It is so cute...I'm thinking about wearing one that says "Due in November"  Not real sure yet...I'm not ordering DS shirt until after the u/s and we see a hb.  I can't wait to tell him! 

I'm still trucking along with the Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO and Prog/E2V suppositories...Tuesday should be my last E2V injection...I get to stop those when my beta doubles and by Wednesday I will know if it has doubles! 

I'm starting to feel sick after I eat...it started with pizza at lunch yesterday...I felt fine at dinner tho.  Today at lunch I felt a little nauseous afterwards but not too bad...this evening I feel like I could puke and I have horrible heartburn!  I'm also crampy again...I just feel like AF is going to show any minute!  I'm also still so tired..I took a nap today...still sleepy!  Hopefully I can get some good sleep tonight and sleep in tomorrow!  Since we're losing an hour!  Boo! =-(

Here is my progression so far...starts at 5dp5dt AM, then PM...all the way up to today...9dp5dt AM!!  Progressing nicely!

It's real!!!!

8dpt...

I'm still pregnant!  Tests are still getting darker!  Even my PM test today was as dark as this AM and I drank a TON of water and just had about a 2 hour hold!  I just need my beta to double from Monday to Wednesday.  I'm ready for the worry to lessen...I know it won't go away but it would be nice to worry a little less!

So DH and I decided to buy DS a shirt that says "I'm the BIG Brother!" and have him wear it at Easter...we will tell him a few days before to give him some time to let it sink in....then have him wear the shirt!  I'm pretty excited!! I just hope he cooperates!  I think he will be excited.  He talks about wanting a sibling so hopefully he means it and he's ready!  I can't believe he will be 8 by the time we have this baby!  I always thought my kids would be close in age...oh well...this is the baby that was meant to be mine.  Who cares how long it took to get to me!  I love this baby so much already...or maybe babies?  I'm trying not to think too much about twins...I would LOVE twins but twins scare me too!  It will already be a high risk pregnancy and 2 babies would make it even more high risk!  But the thought of twins is so exciting!  I guess we'll know in a couple of weeks!!!!

Somebody pinch me...

6dpt...

I feel like I'm dreaming...this can't be real!  It worked!  I'm pregnant!!  Oh WOW!  I'm happy, excited, anxious, nervous, terrified, over the moon!!!!  Monday is my first beta...2nd is on Wednesday...my tests are getting darker so I feel good at the moment that betas will be fine...I'm terrified of that u/s.  I don't want to go...I'd rather just wait a couple of weeks.  I already told DH that I'm not looking...I'm laying there with my eyes closed and waiting for someone to say something good...

There are just too many emotions going right now...it is so hard to believe after 6 years and so much heartache we might be bringing home a baby!  OMG!!!  We won't be telling family until Easter...I will be 10 weeks then and we won't see everyone for a while after that so we decided that's the best time...I'm nervous...I would rather not tell anyone...just let them figure it out when I get huge...Oh I hope I get the chance to be huge!  I will damn it...I won't take no for an answer!  I'm pregnant!!!!  I'm going to have another baby!!!!!  I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

Oh...thats not good!

5dpt...

So I tested this morning (Surprise!  Surprise!) and I got a faint line...so I tested with SMU and it was darker...so I tested again around 3pm...maybe a little darker....so I tested again when I got home from work (yes I tested at work!) and its def darker!!!  OMG!  This has to be it...I want this baby more than anyone will ever know.  I just need my beta on Monday and Wednesday to be good and double and then I have to survive the u/s which will be a week from my Wednesday beta.  I just want to cry...I still haven't told DH I tested...he hasn't asked.  I think he assumes I will be so overjoyed I won't be able to keep it from him.  Its killing me but I don't want him to worry...The less he knows the better!  But I want to scream to him "I'm pregnant!!!!!!!" 

Saturday DH kept looking at me when we were out running around and I would ask him what and he kept saying I looked so pretty and he kept commenting on my make up...it was funny...then he finally sd "You're glowing!"  I thought it was an ironic choice of words since I should be glowing!!!  idk...it made me smile! 

Nothing new as far as sxs...still tired...hungry and oh so emotional!  We went to a basketball game Sunday and during the "Kiss Cam" a guy proposed to his GF...I got all teary and almost cried!  It was so sweet!

The injections still suck!  Last nights PIO about made me cry...it hurt so bad!  Tonight I had to to E2V and PIO...PIO went fine...stung but not too bad.  The E2V hurt like hell and when DH pulled out the needle it squirted blood...all over my pants and the carpet!  Luckily I was able to get it out of the carpet...DH freaked out!  I should only have 2 more of those left!  Yay!

The TWW is torture!!!!

4dpt...

I can't believe I've already started testing...so much for waiting!  I think I might have the tiniest little line but idk.  I keep telling myself not to get excited...I guess I will know in a few days...

After lunch I started feeling nauseous.  It was kind of weird b/c I didn't feel like I had eaten too much...just all of a sudden felt like I was going to be sick.  I also got really hot...I had been cold all day and just felt flushed all of a sudden.  It was strange...after about an hour I felt fine.  I'm just really tired...maybe I'll get in bed early so it won't seem like so long before I get to POAS again!!

And it begins...

3dpt...

It has been a very busy weekend!  Had a baby shower for a relative yesterday and then went to BIL basketball game.  They didn't win which sucks but he had a great Senior year and we are very proud of him.  Now he can start thinking about his future and what he is going to do after HS!

I had a little cramping the day after transfer and yesterday but nothing so far today.  My boobs are sore but they always are on progesterone so thats nothing new...I'm hungry all the time...that's nothing new on Dex...I'm exhausted...no surprise I've been so busy!  So I have a reason for all of my symptoms.  I did POAS this morning...stupid I know...I so shouldn't have.  I think I see the tiniest bit of something but then I don't...I think I am just crazy! 

DH's grandma is hanging out with us today and we are taking her to a Thunder game tonight so that should keep my mind busy.  I'm sure I will test again in the AM since I've gotten started!  I can't stop now!  Damn I wish I hadn't started it!!!

Pizza and Shopping!

Day 35...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO, E2V Injection, E2V/Prog. Supp....1dpt


My bedrest ended at 1pm today.  It was nice to get up and move.  I feel so sore now from laying around for so long!  As soon as I got up I had to get in the shower and get ready for DS program at school...It was soo cute and he had a speaking part and he did awesome!  I'm so proud of him! 

After the program DH went to his brothers basketball game...they won!!  After the game his family wanted to go out to dinner so we went to Old Chicago...had some yummy pizza and ate way too much!  I was so hungry tho!  Then I had to do a little last minute shopping for the baby shower tomorrow...Now I'm exhausted!!!   Tomorrow is a long day with the baby shower and then BIL basketball game.  If they win this one they go to State! I really hope they can pull it off and win State his Senior year! 

Symptoms....None...not that I expect anything...I just had the transfer yesterday.  I guess exhaustion is about all I'm feeling.  I've had a headache on and off since we got home from transfer.  I'm thinking thats b/c I haven't had any caffeine!!  I did have a diet dr pepper with dinner tonight!  It was so good!  I've also lost my urge to POAS...which is good b/c I would really like to wait until the day before beta!  We shall see!!

Today was a fabulous day!!!

Day 34...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO....FET!!!!

We transferred 2 beautiful embies today!!!  I had really wanted to transfer 3 but after the thaw I was advised by 4 doctors that it wasn't a good idea and the 2 I have look amazing!  So I trust them.  They all seemed very confident.  I just wanted them to at least consider 3 and they did.

I expected the embies to be thawed when I got their and the embryologist came to talk to me and sd she was going to go thaw them and she'd let me know how they looked...I was a little surprised.  She came back like 5 minutes later and sd they were gorgeous!!  She sd sometimes they degenerate but mine were still looking good 10 minutes later when we were ready to transfer...The actual transfer didn't take more than 5 minutes.  Then I laid flat on my back for 30 minutes...then headed home!  I'm being nice and lazy laying in bed now!  On the way home we stopped at Whole Foods and DH ran in and got a pineapple!  I cut it up when we got home and ate some...I figure I will eat a little every day for the next few days. 

I haven't decided when I will start testing...my beta is the 14th...I would like to wait until the 13th to test...that would have been my best friends birthday.  She was killed in a car accident when we were 16.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her!  What is really weird...if I am pregnant with twins my due date will be October 26th, which is the anniversary of her death...Maybe that day will turn into a good day and not a day that I dread every year.  It has always been a horrible day for me.  I'm praying Sarah brings me my BFP and keeps my baby(ies) save for  9 months!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Day 33...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO

Tomorrow is the day!!!! 

We are leaving at 8 am so we have time to stop for lunch!  I've got to buy my pineapple too!  Almost forgot about that!

Todays funny...We went out to dinner tonight and got home a little later than usual so it was time to do my PIO as soon as we walked in the door...I got the needle ready and went to change my clothes...I ended up just wearing my bra and panties when DH did the injection...He has been putting band aids on my injection sites so we know which side we are on for one and b/c they have been bleeding some..anyway...I laid down on the bed and DH says "Can I rip them off?"  I respond "Uh...not right now!"  He starts cracking up and says "The band aids...not your panties!"  Haha...I totally thought he was trying to get frisky!! 

SO ready!!!!!

Day 32...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO and E2V Injection

I wish I could sleep tomorrow away and it was Thursday!  But I can't...so I will stay as busy as I can, just like I did today!  Seems like the day flew by.  Hoping tomorrow does the same!

I'm boring at the moment but hopefully after Thursday I have all kinds of symptoms going on and tons to blog about!!!