Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I make miracles happen!

We saw 2 beautiful flickering little hearts.  Words can not describe the amazing feeling I had in that moment.  The feeling I still have...its so amazing!  Everything was perfect.  My RE has released me to my OB.  So no more trips to Dallas.  Which makes me a little sad...I'm going to miss him and the nurses.  They are all so amazing. 

Everything has been so different...gone so perfectly.  It scares me that everything is going so right.  I keep expecting something bad to happen.  I hate thinking that way.  I was so scared for our u/s. Then in 2 minutes it was all over and I was sitting there with tears in my eyes, holding pictures of my beautiful babies!  This is real.  I'm having TWINS!  No more negative thoughts...no more worries.  Babies looked great and I won't worry unless there is a reason!  I'm just so excited!

I have an OB appt on April 15th.  We will hopefully be doing another u/s.  I can't wait to see my babies again!  

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Just 2 more days....

and I get to see my babies!  I'm so nervous and anxious...I just pray all is well!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sorry I've been MIA...

I've been busy celebrating!  I am 5w4d today!  I'm stuck on Cloud 9!!

These are our babies!!!  Yep....BABIES!!  We're having TWINS!!!  Holy Smokes!!!

I am still in disbelieve.  I am so excited.  We have truly been blessed beyond belief.  We have been through so much heartache in the past 6 years and for once I feel like this is finally it.  We are bringing home these babies! 

I had an appt with my RE yesterday for an u/s to see how many were baking.  We were called back by my nurse Heather.  I stripped down from the waist down and we waited...seriously felt like an eternity!  Dr. Saleh has never made me wait that long.  I was a hot mess!  I thought I was going to puke, pass out, hyperventilate...it was just bad!  Finally he comes in...he's telling me that we want to see a ges sac and yolk sac at this point...so he starts the u/s...I see one little bean...I felt some relief knowing something was there...then I see it again...or so I thought I was seeing it again when he says "Looks like you have twins!  Congratulations"  DH says "Seriously?!?"  So Dr. S is looking and I'm bawling...I was in shock...I had a feeling it was twins, I knew of the possibility but to actually hear it was amazing!  Then he pointed out the tiny little speck in both that was the yolk sac!  At this point in or other pregnancy we only had an empty sac so it is a huge milestone to see yolk sacs!  I couldn't stop crying...Dr. S sd he saw exactly what he wanted to and we will see the heartbeats next Tuesday!!

Tuesday can't come fast enough!  I can't wait to see those little flickering hearts!  We will be telling everyone after the appt. I can't wait any longer!  I am going to email a picture of the u/s to my MIL and just wait for her phone call!  I will do the same thing to my sister and Mom...they both know I'm pregnant but don't know its TWINS!  Funny thing...when I started this blog I emailed the link to my sister...I don't guess she ever got the link b/c if she kept up with me she'd already know!!! 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Gotta love that beta!!


Not sure if I have mentioned it but I hate PIO!!!!  I've been using the sesame oil and its finally started giving me knots and big red itchy spots!  So I ordered the Ethyl Olate from my compounding pharmacy and OMG..Why would anyone use anything else!  Its so much thinner and doesn't hurt at all!  IF (which I won't) ever have to do this again I will use the EO from the beginning...I'm so sore and itchy!  Hopefully just another week, 2 at the most, and I will be done with it!  I do get to stop the E2V!!  Woohoo!  I still continue the Prenatal, Dex, PIO and suppositories.  My ultrasound is the 22nd!  I can't wait...oh..have I mentioned...my beta was 1297!!!!  My RE was very excited about it!!!  As am I!!!

Still super tired, nauseous from the time I wake up, horrible heartburn....that's about it.  Still a little cramping but not much at all and I only notice it when I'm paying attention.

Here is a pic of my full progression from all of my tests...

I'm all out of tests so looks like I have to stop obsessing! 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

It begins...


I have my 2nd beta tomorrow.  I am very optimistic that it will be a fabulous number!  It has to be!!

So...I didn't think cravings started for awhile but I can't stop thinking about Chili Cheese Fritos...I made a special trip to Target b/c I knew we were about out...this was my dinner tonight...

That is a Chili Cheese Frito sandwich on wheat with Ranch!  Yum!

I only have to IC left...I will save those for tomorrow so I can see how dark it is with my beta...but here is tonights test...with maybe a 30 minute hold and drinking TONS of water...I must say, I'm impressed!

I will update with my beta tomorrow!  I can't wait!  I can't believe I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!  I'll never get tired of saying that!!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Holy Beta Batman!


578!!!  That's one hell of a beta!  I'm pretty freakin excited!!!!  I just pray it doubles Wednesday...When my RE called he was so excited...it got me all excited and I cried!  I was at work when I got the call and I went to DH and wrote 578!!!  On a Post It...he just started cheezin and gave me a high five...we couldn't really celebrate...so that was his way of letting me know how excited he is!!!

On the way home we talked a lot about being pregnant.  He asked me if I would make hamburgers for dinner...I sd "We don't have any buns"...he says "We do, there in the oven"  I gave him the craziest look and sd "We have buns in the oven?"  Then I realized what I sd and he sd "We sure as hell do!!"  It was pretty funny! 

I just have too many emotions and feeling going on right now...I will update more when my emotions aren't so high!!! 

Sunday, March 13, 2011

My babies!

I just realized I haven't posted pics of my babies!!!  My RE and embryologist referred to them as perfect! 

I <3 them so much already!

Missing her every day...


My test this morning was just beautiful...who ever thought a pee soaked stick could be considered beautiful!

Tomorrow is beta.  I know it will be positive...I feel like I already know it will double by Wednesday.  I have this strange confidence that this is it.  I don't feel as scared as I had before.  I feel very calm...anxious.  I just want to see my baby/ies on the u/s and know they are ok. 

I feel very emotional.  Everything makes me want to cry...I can't watch a TV show without tearing up.  I just watched Teen Mom 2 and I fought back tears the whole time.  The nausea has also kicked in full force. I woke up this morning feeling like I was going to gag...I just have this knot in my throat.  I love it tho...knowing my body is doing what it needs to.  I just pray it continues to do what it should and my baby/ies are nice and snuggled in...

I looked up my due date and I'll be due 11/19...just 5 days before Thanksgiving.  I'm so excited to have a little turkey!!!

I also want to say Happy Birthday Sarah!  My BFF would have been 27 today had her life not ended too soon when she was only 16.  I love you and miss you every day!  I know you will watch over the baby growing inside me.  Miss you so much!!!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I love sitting on Cloud 9...its so comfy!


Just one more day and its beta day!!!  I'm praying for an awesome number!  With my tests getting so dark I don't think it will be a problem...I just don't want to get too confident.  I still have a long way to go for the worrying to stop.  I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy tho...if something is going to happen I it isn't going to matter if I get excited or not!  I never want to regret not being 100% ecstatic about this pregnancy!! 

If all goes well we will tell our family at Easter.  I'm going to have DS wear a shirt that says (on front)
Question: What happens in November?" (back) "Answer: I'm going to be a BIG Brother!"  It is so cute...I'm thinking about wearing one that says "Due in November"  Not real sure yet...I'm not ordering DS shirt until after the u/s and we see a hb.  I can't wait to tell him! 

I'm still trucking along with the Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO and Prog/E2V suppositories...Tuesday should be my last E2V injection...I get to stop those when my beta doubles and by Wednesday I will know if it has doubles! 

I'm starting to feel sick after I eat...it started with pizza at lunch yesterday...I felt fine at dinner tho.  Today at lunch I felt a little nauseous afterwards but not too bad...this evening I feel like I could puke and I have horrible heartburn!  I'm also crampy again...I just feel like AF is going to show any minute!  I'm also still so tired..I took a nap today...still sleepy!  Hopefully I can get some good sleep tonight and sleep in tomorrow!  Since we're losing an hour!  Boo! =-(

Here is my progression so far...starts at 5dp5dt AM, then PM...all the way up to today...9dp5dt AM!!  Progressing nicely!

Friday, March 11, 2011

It's real!!!!


I'm still pregnant!  Tests are still getting darker!  Even my PM test today was as dark as this AM and I drank a TON of water and just had about a 2 hour hold!  I just need my beta to double from Monday to Wednesday.  I'm ready for the worry to lessen...I know it won't go away but it would be nice to worry a little less!

So DH and I decided to buy DS a shirt that says "I'm the BIG Brother!" and have him wear it at Easter...we will tell him a few days before to give him some time to let it sink in....then have him wear the shirt!  I'm pretty excited!! I just hope he cooperates!  I think he will be excited.  He talks about wanting a sibling so hopefully he means it and he's ready!  I can't believe he will be 8 by the time we have this baby!  I always thought my kids would be close in age...oh well...this is the baby that was meant to be mine.  Who cares how long it took to get to me!  I love this baby so much already...or maybe babies?  I'm trying not to think too much about twins...I would LOVE twins but twins scare me too!  It will already be a high risk pregnancy and 2 babies would make it even more high risk!  But the thought of twins is so exciting!  I guess we'll know in a couple of weeks!!!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Somebody pinch me...


I feel like I'm dreaming...this can't be real!  It worked!  I'm pregnant!!  Oh WOW!  I'm happy, excited, anxious, nervous, terrified, over the moon!!!!  Monday is my first beta...2nd is on Wednesday...my tests are getting darker so I feel good at the moment that betas will be fine...I'm terrified of that u/s.  I don't want to go...I'd rather just wait a couple of weeks.  I already told DH that I'm not looking...I'm laying there with my eyes closed and waiting for someone to say something good...

There are just too many emotions going right now...it is so hard to believe after 6 years and so much heartache we might be bringing home a baby!  OMG!!!  We won't be telling family until Easter...I will be 10 weeks then and we won't see everyone for a while after that so we decided that's the best time...I'm nervous...I would rather not tell anyone...just let them figure it out when I get huge...Oh I hope I get the chance to be huge!  I will damn it...I won't take no for an answer!  I'm pregnant!!!!  I'm going to have another baby!!!!!  I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Oh...thats not good!


So I tested this morning (Surprise!  Surprise!) and I got a faint line...so I tested with SMU and it was darker...so I tested again around 3pm...maybe a little darker....so I tested again when I got home from work (yes I tested at work!) and its def darker!!!  OMG!  This has to be it...I want this baby more than anyone will ever know.  I just need my beta on Monday and Wednesday to be good and double and then I have to survive the u/s which will be a week from my Wednesday beta.  I just want to cry...I still haven't told DH I tested...he hasn't asked.  I think he assumes I will be so overjoyed I won't be able to keep it from him.  Its killing me but I don't want him to worry...The less he knows the better!  But I want to scream to him "I'm pregnant!!!!!!!" 

Saturday DH kept looking at me when we were out running around and I would ask him what and he kept saying I looked so pretty and he kept commenting on my make up...it was funny...then he finally sd "You're glowing!"  I thought it was an ironic choice of words since I should be glowing!!!  idk...it made me smile! 

Nothing new as far as sxs...still tired...hungry and oh so emotional!  We went to a basketball game Sunday and during the "Kiss Cam" a guy proposed to his GF...I got all teary and almost cried!  It was so sweet!

The injections still suck!  Last nights PIO about made me cry...it hurt so bad!  Tonight I had to to E2V and PIO...PIO went fine...stung but not too bad.  The E2V hurt like hell and when DH pulled out the needle it squirted blood...all over my pants and the carpet!  Luckily I was able to get it out of the carpet...DH freaked out!  I should only have 2 more of those left!  Yay!

Monday, March 7, 2011

The TWW is torture!!!!


I can't believe I've already started testing...so much for waiting!  I think I might have the tiniest little line but idk.  I keep telling myself not to get excited...I guess I will know in a few days...

After lunch I started feeling nauseous.  It was kind of weird b/c I didn't feel like I had eaten too much...just all of a sudden felt like I was going to be sick.  I also got really hot...I had been cold all day and just felt flushed all of a sudden.  It was strange...after about an hour I felt fine.  I'm just really tired...maybe I'll get in bed early so it won't seem like so long before I get to POAS again!!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

And it begins...


It has been a very busy weekend!  Had a baby shower for a relative yesterday and then went to BIL basketball game.  They didn't win which sucks but he had a great Senior year and we are very proud of him.  Now he can start thinking about his future and what he is going to do after HS!

I had a little cramping the day after transfer and yesterday but nothing so far today.  My boobs are sore but they always are on progesterone so thats nothing new...I'm hungry all the time...that's nothing new on Dex...I'm exhausted...no surprise I've been so busy!  So I have a reason for all of my symptoms.  I did POAS this morning...stupid I know...I so shouldn't have.  I think I see the tiniest bit of something but then I don't...I think I am just crazy! 

DH's grandma is hanging out with us today and we are taking her to a Thunder game tonight so that should keep my mind busy.  I'm sure I will test again in the AM since I've gotten started!  I can't stop now!  Damn I wish I hadn't started it!!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Pizza and Shopping!

Day 35...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO, E2V Injection, E2V/Prog. Supp....1dpt

My bedrest ended at 1pm today.  It was nice to get up and move.  I feel so sore now from laying around for so long!  As soon as I got up I had to get in the shower and get ready for DS program at school...It was soo cute and he had a speaking part and he did awesome!  I'm so proud of him! 

After the program DH went to his brothers basketball game...they won!!  After the game his family wanted to go out to dinner so we went to Old Chicago...had some yummy pizza and ate way too much!  I was so hungry tho!  Then I had to do a little last minute shopping for the baby shower tomorrow...Now I'm exhausted!!!   Tomorrow is a long day with the baby shower and then BIL basketball game.  If they win this one they go to State! I really hope they can pull it off and win State his Senior year! 

Symptoms....None...not that I expect anything...I just had the transfer yesterday.  I guess exhaustion is about all I'm feeling.  I've had a headache on and off since we got home from transfer.  I'm thinking thats b/c I haven't had any caffeine!!  I did have a diet dr pepper with dinner tonight!  It was so good!  I've also lost my urge to POAS...which is good b/c I would really like to wait until the day before beta!  We shall see!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Today was a fabulous day!!!

Day 34...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO....FET!!!!

We transferred 2 beautiful embies today!!!  I had really wanted to transfer 3 but after the thaw I was advised by 4 doctors that it wasn't a good idea and the 2 I have look amazing!  So I trust them.  They all seemed very confident.  I just wanted them to at least consider 3 and they did.

I expected the embies to be thawed when I got their and the embryologist came to talk to me and sd she was going to go thaw them and she'd let me know how they looked...I was a little surprised.  She came back like 5 minutes later and sd they were gorgeous!!  She sd sometimes they degenerate but mine were still looking good 10 minutes later when we were ready to transfer...The actual transfer didn't take more than 5 minutes.  Then I laid flat on my back for 30 minutes...then headed home!  I'm being nice and lazy laying in bed now!  On the way home we stopped at Whole Foods and DH ran in and got a pineapple!  I cut it up when we got home and ate some...I figure I will eat a little every day for the next few days. 

I haven't decided when I will start testing...my beta is the 14th...I would like to wait until the 13th to test...that would have been my best friends birthday.  She was killed in a car accident when we were 16.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her!  What is really weird...if I am pregnant with twins my due date will be October 26th, which is the anniversary of her death...Maybe that day will turn into a good day and not a day that I dread every year.  It has always been a horrible day for me.  I'm praying Sarah brings me my BFP and keeps my baby(ies) save for  9 months!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Day 33...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO

Tomorrow is the day!!!! 

We are leaving at 8 am so we have time to stop for lunch!  I've got to buy my pineapple too!  Almost forgot about that!

Todays funny...We went out to dinner tonight and got home a little later than usual so it was time to do my PIO as soon as we walked in the door...I got the needle ready and went to change my clothes...I ended up just wearing my bra and panties when DH did the injection...He has been putting band aids on my injection sites so we know which side we are on for one and b/c they have been bleeding some..anyway...I laid down on the bed and DH says "Can I rip them off?"  I respond "Uh...not right now!"  He starts cracking up and says "The band aids...not your panties!"  Haha...I totally thought he was trying to get frisky!! 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

SO ready!!!!!

Day 32...Dexamethasone, Prenatal, PIO and E2V Injection

I wish I could sleep tomorrow away and it was Thursday!  But I can't...so I will stay as busy as I can, just like I did today!  Seems like the day flew by.  Hoping tomorrow does the same!

I'm boring at the moment but hopefully after Thursday I have all kinds of symptoms going on and tons to blog about!!!

Monday, February 28, 2011

The days are getting longer...

Day 31...Dexamethasone, Azithromyoson, Prenatal, PIO

Last day of the antibiotic!  Woohoo!!  Only 3 more days...I'm so anxious.  These next couple of days can't go by fast enough!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

The day of rest...

Day 30...Dexamethasone, Azithromyosen, Prenatal, PIO

Enjoying a lazy Sunday.  I have tons of stuff I need to do.  I need to get stuff for the shower next weekend since I will be on bed rest Thursday and Friday.  I'm going to buy the hostess gift today...need to get decorations but that might wait until Friday evening.  We'll see if I can get myself together today.  I'm walking with a limp b/c my hip is so sore from the PIO yesterday...I feel like I fell really hard.  I didn't sleep very good last night b/c every time I rolled to my left side it hurt...I'm doing one in each hip tonight to see how that is!  Just 4 more days!  I can't wait!!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The things we will do for the babies we already love so much!!

Day 29...Dexamethasone, Azithromyosen, Prenatal, PIO

I would like to start off my saying I have no clue how to spell Azithromyosen and I will probably spell it different every post...I'm too lazy to get up and go look at the package...

Well, we went to watch BIL play basketball tonight.  The won districts last week and lost tonight so they were runner up in Regionals...they start Area Thursday, so I won't be able to go, since I will be on bed rest...if they win Thursday they will play again Friday.  If they lose he's done, this is his Senior year so Thursday could be his last game...makes me sad I'm going to miss it...hopefully they win all 3 games and make it to State! 

Since we were out of town when it came time for PIO I took it with me and DH and I had to get creative...luckily BIL needed a ride to the gym and MIL wasn't ready to go...so DH and I took him and I got injected in the ass in a HS parking lot, in the car...I decided to try the entire 2cc with one injection to see how it went..OUCH!  It wasn't so bad doing it but I am so sore now!  I have heated seats in my car so I turned them on before I did it and then had them on after...then kept it on the hour drive home...still so sore...I'm thinking it might be better to just do 2 injections...I will try 2 tomorrow and see how it goes...Its going to be a long 4 weeks!  It will be worth it when my babies are growing inside of me tho! 

Friday, February 25, 2011

6 days and counting!!!!

Day 27...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

Day 28...Dexamethasone, Azithromyosone, Prenatal, PIO, E2V Injection

Tonight was the first night of 2 IM injections...no fun!  I decided to do both in the same hip...OUCH...I can barely sit!  Oh well...it's only going to get worse from here so I might as well get over it! 

I'm finally done with the Lupron, which is nice.  I won't have to get up at 7am on weekends.  I have to take 3 pills in the AM but it isn't a big deal if its at 10am, or whenever I roll out of bed!  I can't believe I only have 6 days left!  I'm so flippin excited! 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Cake before dinner? Yes, please!

Day 26...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

Can you say exhausted?  It was a long day...worked almost 10 hours and then went to the OTA Awards Banquet this evening.  The food was so-so...we sit down at our table and our dessert is already there...they seriously expect me to wait 20 minutes for my salad and not try the cake?  The salad was not so great...the croutons were stale...finally the main course...it was a nice size fillet...with marinara.  It was weird but kind good.  Then mashed potatoes and asparagus...and a roll...I must say, the roll was pretty dang good!  I could have eaten 10 of them!  But I didn't...I only got one!  As soon as they took that plate away I was all over that chocolate cake.  I wasn't disappointed.  It was pretty dang amazing!! 

Well tomorrow is my last day of Lupron...as I sit here I realize I'm kind of crampy...like AF is coming.  First time I noticed it...maybe its just my body telling me its exhausted and needs sleep!  Night!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

We've got a gusher...

Day 25...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, E2V Injection

that's what DH says after giving me my E2V injection!  I had him put a little round band aid on it and I went on my merry little way.  I'm excited I only have 2 more days of Lupron!  I won't have to wake up at 7am this weekend!  I may actually sleep in!  I'm trying to decide what time to do my PIO...I did it at 7pm for my first IVF...I'm thinking I might do it at 9pm this go around...we are usually always home by then and if we did having something to do in the evening I wouldn't have to worry about doing my shot away from home...

Now for a funny...

So, DH and I work together...we had new hire in for training last Friday and DH was going their training the public library across from our building.  At lunch they had ordered City Bites and gotten sandwiches and cookies...well that afternoon DH called and asked me to run over and get some stuff to make copies of and he needed me to take him a few things...I go over, see the cookies and whisper "Can I have a cookie?" He smiles and says "Of course you can!"  I go get my cookies and go back to the office...on the way home from work DH says "I can't believe you asked me for a quickie."  I looked at him all kinds of crazy and asked what the hell he was talking about.  I was replaying the day in my head and trying to figure out when I was feeling frisky enough to ask for a quickie at work!!  He says "In the library, you asked for a quickie!"  I cracked up!!  He was so disappointed when I told him I just wanted a cookie!  He went all afternoon thinking I was all hot and bothered by myself at work!  He is such a dork!  I just had to share...today someone had girl scout cookies and I took one to DH and asked "You want a cookie?"  He told me to go away!  lol

Monday, February 21, 2011

Today was a wonderful day...now I'm exhausted!

Day 24...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal...U/S and B/W

Well I made the trip to Dallas today!  I had an u/s done to check my lining and blood drawn to check my E2.  I suppose my E2 was fine since Heather didn't call me.  My lining was great.  They look for it to be over 9mm...mine was 17mm!!  So my uterus us nice and ready for those embies to snuggle in!!!  I asked my RE what he thought about thawing my embies and if we'd have to thaw all 6 to get enough to transfer or if we'd still have some...he told me he isn't worried about the embies!  I just need to  get myself there and take care of them once he does his part!  I have the best RE ever!  I love that he doesn't seem worried or stressed..I know this is his job but he seems very optimistic.  Since he isn't worried about the thaw...I'm not going to worry myself over it either.  I think he would have been honest if he wasn't sure how they would thaw...he seemed to think there wouldn't be any problems.  After the u/s I talked to Heather.  She gave me my new calendar!!!  Thursday is my last day of Lupron, then I start my antibiotic for 4 days and the progesterone starts!  I still do E2V on Tuesdays and Fridays...so Friday I get 2 shots in the bum!  The first PIO is just 1cc like last time, then the next night I start 2cc...not looking forward to 2 shots in the butt every night and 2 days a week I get 3!!  Whatever it takes!   It will all be worth it!!  My transfer will be at 1pm on March 3rd.  I will take off work that day and the following day.  Which works out b/c Hutson has his program on Friday afternoon so I will be able to go to it!!  I planned on going anyway but this way its just easier!  I talked to Heather about being able to come home after the transfer...she sd as long as I'm not driving and I'm just relaxing in the passenger seat its just fine...she sd to do 24 hrs bedrest and then light duty.   I told her about the baby shower I am in charge of Saturday and she sd I can do light duty and no lifting anything...so I'll decorate a little and let everyone else do the hard work.. They will probably think I am such an ass...Only 2 people know I'm doing this.  One of them will be at the shower and she sd she'd cover for me so I should be ok.  Its crazy to think in just 10 days I will be PUPO!!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Why does it still hurt....

After 6 years why can't I just be ok with seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere?  Its like when you buy a new car...all of a sudden everywhere you look you see cars just like yours.  Well...if you really want a baby...you'll see them everywhere.  I went shopping today for a relatives baby shower...I'm a host, I made the invites, going to order cookies tomorrow...buying all of the decorations...I bought a few onesies today...I couldn't do anymore than that...it just hurts too much to be buying for someone else when all I can think is I should be buying for my own baby...I really try to ignore these feelings, just file them away and forget I feel so hurt about the m/c still.  But it is so hard.  I don't know what I will do if this FET doesn't work...or if I m/c again...idk if I can handle it.  I just may completely fall apart...I've held it together for 6 years...a breakdown is bound to happen.  I just want my happy ending and family of 4.  I love our little family of 3 but I feel like its incomplete...like there is another baby for us.  I'm anxious to find out tomorrow when I get to pick up my babies and get them where they belong...I'm still really hoping my RE will transfer 3 also.  I want to do all we can to maximize our chances of getting pregnant.  I think I will just go to bed now so I will stop thinking about it!!!  The worst part of driving 3 hours each way to go to the RE is all of the thinking my little brain does!!!  Its a miracle I'm still sane! 

Its Sunday!!

Day 23...Lupron, Dexamethasone and Prenatal

I'm so ready for tomorrow!!  Trying to stay busy today so I don't think about it...so far I haven't been successful!  I slept in a little tho so that helped...I need to hop in the shower and go to the grocery store...I'm in the mood to bake so I was thinking about baking something...not sure if that's a good idea b/c then I will just eat it! 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

WTF? Wishing away my weekend...

Day 22...Lupron, Dexamethasone and Prenatal

Not much going on...just ready for Monday!!!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Wow...its happening so fast!

Day 21...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, E2V Injection

I went in for b/w again this morning...woke up at 5:30am...got to the lab by 6am!  I had another crazy experience at the lab.  First the girl who registered me was super chatty and told me about wrecking her car yesterday and having to find a ride to work...she sd its not easy to find someone willing to take you to work at 6am...she was funny.  She said she was in a horrible mood and just wanted to cry.  I made her laugh and she seemed pretty peppy by the time she was done with my paperwork!  I went to the lab and of course got right in!  The lab tech was an older woman..probably in her upper 60's...she was so nice.  She of course asked if I was TTC.  I told her yes, we are doing a FET.  She then saw the tattoo on my arm (DS footprints from his birth certificate) so she asked if I had a child already.  I told her yes, he's 7 and we've been TTC for 6 years.  She made a comment about us trying right away, I told her it didn't make a difference since here we are 6 years later...I told her its easy to want another one and to do whatever it takes to have another child b/c DS is so perfect...I can't imagine not having more babies just like him...she got all teary eyed and I thought she was going to cry...she told me I'm a good Mom and she can tell I love my baby!  I love that a complete stranger can hear me talk about DS once and they know what he means to me...that kid is my world!  During all this talking the tech was trying to get my vein to pop up...the veins in my arms are deep...I'm a phlebotomist nightmare!  She finally stuck me...got a tiny bit of blood when she hit the vein and the vein collapsed...no surprise...I knew it was going to happen...She dug around for a minute and then stopped b/c she was afraid she was hurting me.  She didn't feel comfortable sticking me again so she called someone from the main lab.  I appreciate her not using me as a pin cushion...some techs just want to prove a point that they can get blood out of me and they'll dig around as long as it takes and poke me all they can!  We ended up walking down to the main lab...the lead phlebotomist comes out...looking rather confident.  As they always do...its funny, I just giggle to myself! He starts poking around on my arm...looks at my hand...back to my arm...then says "Wow, she wasn't joking...you are a nightmare!"  About the time he was about to job that needle in my arm the original tech comes out and says the person who runs the labs sd she had enough blood for the E2 test and they didn't need anymore!  There were several sighs of relief!!!  I was glad to be done with that!  I hate all the b/w, not b/c it hurts, I'm used to it at this point.  Its just annoying! 

I got an email from my nurse.  She didn't tell me my # but sd my E2 was great!  I had to do the same dose of estrogen (.3ml).  I really hate that stuff...I think I have some major nerve damage from the PIO last time...by the time I'm done with it this time I won't be able to sit!!  Just sitting here now I am so sore!! I emailed my nurse back to see what to expect for Monday...she sd Dr. S will be looking to see that my lining is thick enough for implantation...she sd if it isn't I will go back on Friday after taking something to help thicken it...she doesn't think I will have a problem tho...My lining is always fine.  She sd either way I will be starting PIO Wed, Thurs or Fri.  So that means my transfer will be Tues, Wed or Thurs...Its so close!!!  I will know more on Monday!  So, I'm going to enjoy my weekend and get ready for my appt on Monday!!! 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Too busy watching Vampire Diaries for anything clever...

Day 20...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

I go in tomorrow to check my E2.  It needs to be between 500-1000 on Monday.  I think I will be fine!  I really hope everything is a go Monday and I don't have to go back to be checked again.  I should have my transfer on 2/28.  That's just 10 days!!!!!! 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Busy Night...I really need to get more clever with my titles!

Day 19...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

Today was a LONG day!  I didn't get anything done at work...I really don't know what I did all day.  I made myself look busy, I feel like I was busy but nothing to show for it.  Oh well, everyone needs a day like that now and again!  Had to go to Kinko's after work to get baby shower invites printed for a cousin's shower the first weekend of next month.  The guy forgot to give me my USB drive...so now I have to go back tomorrow.  I finally washed my car!  The snow had it all kind of nasty!  I had DH call chicken salads in to Texas Roadhouse...I get it home and we had no chicken...So I head back that way...I call on my way...I was really nice, surprisingly!  I don't do well with restaurant screw ups!  Its makes me so mad!  Anyway, they had me talk to a manager, I told him I needed my chicken.  He was super nice, I get there and he gets me a drink...brings out my food and he gave me new chicken salads and 2 appetizers!  Of course, I have now eaten WAY too much! 

Now I have 100 invites to make!  Yikes!  Lets see how many I can get done tonight!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Holy Hotflashes!!

Day 18...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, E2V Injection

Well...today was quite a roller coaster of emotions.  I started my morning off in a rather bad mood.  I should have gotten up at 6am but didn't roll out of bed until 7am...of course the fact that I took Tylenol PM at midnight didn't help at all...I don't even remember turning my alarm off at 6.  So I had to go for b/w this morning...I went to the lab that I've used before only to have them tell me they don't do estrodial STAT.  I never even thought about a lab not doing a test STAT.  So I asked the chick where I should go...she suggested one of the hospitals...so thats what I do...on my way there I call another lab I've used to see if they can do it...nope...so I go to the hospital...I'm so annoyed at this point as I am not going to be late for work!  DH drops me off at the front...thinking I will just run in and get it done and get out quick...wrong!  I have to go to the Outpatient Registration...I give them my name, ask to make sure they can do it STAT...the chick says its not a problem...so I wait....15 minutes....they call me to the window and I start answering all the questions...all this for b/w...after about 15 minutes I'm done with them and I can move on to the lab...woohoo!!  After waiting 20 minutes I'm finally called back...the lab tech is an older woman, really nice, soft spoken...she makes a joke about how I'm going to be easy b/c her last 3 were urine drug tests and none of them could pee...she seemed annoyed that they came to the lab, knowing they had to pee in a cup and they didn't drink a bottle of water.  I asked her again to make sure the test would be sent to my RE today and she assured me it would.  I had everyone I spoke to confirm it was be done b/c I really didn't want a surprise at 4pm that my RE didn't get the results!  So the tech asks if I'm trying to get pregnant...I tell her yes, that I am doing a FET.  She asked if I would be a good mom and raise my baby to love Jesus.  I thought this was a little odd but said yes.  She sd she would tell me in a minute why she asked...she kind of quizzed me about my infertility...maybe I just gave the info...idk...she was easy to talk to...it was strange...I told her we had been ttc 6 years and have a DS, I told her I m/c in Nov. after my fresh cycle.  She sd "Well women are much more fertile after a m/c"  I kind of laughed b/c I've heard this so many times.  After she drew my blood she placed her hands on my stomach...It was kind of akward...I didn't really know what to do or say...so I set there...she then says "I blessed your womb, God isn't going to make you suffer any longer...you are going to have this baby and when you find out your pregnant I want you to come back and share the news with me."  I started crying...I don't go to church, I'm not a holy person...but I do believe in a higher power...I believe there is something out there bigger than all of us.  I think people come into our lives for a reason...I thanked her...I told her I really needed that today.  She sd "I know sweetie, now stop worrying and have a great day"  I thought it was strange she told me to stop worrying...why choose those words...I've been worried sick about something going wrong...the past few days have been tough emotionally...She told me God knew what he was doing and he wasn't going to make me struggle any longer, that I would carry another child in my womb and deliver a happy healthy baby...She hugged me, I told her I would be back Friday for my next estrodial check.  She sd good, she would be happy to see me again.  I've felt very emotional all day.  I'm sure its the meds but I also feel a sense of calm....I feel more positive then before...not that I haven't felt good about this cycle...idk...not sure how to explain it.  I just really needed someone to tell me its going to be ok...for someone to tell me I'm going to have a baby...So I am going to keep up the positive attitude and I'm super excited about getting knocked up soon!! 

This afternoon my nurse emailed me and my E2 was 326...I had to up my dose of estrogen to .3ml  I thought .2ml was bad...That shiz hurt like a MFer!!!  Of course it didn't help that DH had to give it to me in the car...that was interesting...we left work early so we could go to bil basketball game...there was no where else we could do it without someone finding out...so we were in the parking garage at work...I laid my seat back and rolled to my side....I cussed him the whole time...not a good idea...the more I cuss, the slower he does it b/c he doesn't want to hurt me...I'd be fine with him just pushing it in as fast as it will go!  Just get it over with!!  So now I'm just hoping that my E2 is ok...my nurse didn't seem concerned.  I go back for another check on Friday to find out what my dose will be then...Then Monday I head to Dallas for my u/s and b/w to see if we get to transfer the following Monday!!!  Its getting so close!!!  I'm so excited!!!

I must say the higher dose of estrogen did quite a number on me...I've had hot flashes like crazy all evening!  I've already been dealing with night sweats so I'm sure tonight will be fun!!  Its just fine with me tho...I'll take it if it means I'm one step closer to my BFP!!!!  I'm also a weepy, emotional wreck...have horrible headaches, heartburn like no other and I can't sleep!!  But, I'm not letting it get me down...I'm keeping a smile on my face!!!! 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

Day 17...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day!!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

You've got to be kidding me!

Day 15...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

Day 16...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

Its been a busy weekend!!! 

I took DS to a birthday party yesterday at a science museum.  It was a lot fun!  He wants to have his birthday there now.  I'm sure he'll change his mind 100 times by October!  After the party we went to see my brother, his wife and my niece.  I just love that little girl so much but she is such a little shit!  My sil recently found out she's pregnant...she's probably 8 or 9 weeks...she hasn't been to the doctor yet, much be nice...to be nearly out of your first trimester and still haven't gone to the doctor.  Every time she has seen me since finding out she talks about how scared she is that she will m/c...idk if she truely is scared she will m/c or if its a jab at me...I try to give her the benefit of the doubt but she can be a bitch...she portrays herself as this sweet Christian but she has another side...She is very manipulitive...While visiting with her she kept complaining about how sick she's been and how horrible she feels...she then looks right at me and says "I'll trade you!"  I came so close to punching her in the face.  I'll trade you?  Are you fucking serious!!!!  You don't say that to someone who has tried to concieve for 6 years and recently had a m/c....I should be 24 weeks into my pregnancy...I'll take your morning sickness you stupid bitch!  I said "I'd gladly take it" and walked about.  I so wanted to tell her to fuck off!  She rubbed her first pregnacy in my face...why wouldn't she do the same this time.  I just pray this FET works and I can enjoy my morning sickness and exhaustion!  I want more than anything to puke every time I eat and feel like I can never get enough sleep...oh what I would give!  For now...I will keep my mouth shut...I will continue to silently struggle and feel what I'm going to feel.  I'll be ok tho...I always am. 

Friday, February 11, 2011


Day 14...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prental, E2V Injection

Moving right along!  I go in Tuesday for b/w to see what dose of estrogen I have to do that day...that's really it for now!  Plan to enjoy my weekend!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Chicken and Noodles!

Day 13...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

I'm exhausted...but the dex keeps me awake...so I'm like a zombie.  The snow has screwed up my work week and I'm staying super busy at work and trying to keep up with everything!  Trying not to get stressed out...I think its time for a pedicure!!  Maybe I will treat myself this weekend!

I made chicken and noodles for dinner...I must say, I make the best damn chicken and noodles!  I made oatmeal raisin cookies yesterday...YUM!  The dex also gives me the munchies!  So I have been eating like crazy the past 2 weeks!  I've really got to be a little more careful so I don't gain a ton of weight!  I'm just hungry all of the time!  I think I did better today, I kept busy with work so I didn't snack all day.  I was ready to eat as soon as I got home tho!  Hopefully I can keep busy this weekend and not just sit around and stuff my face! 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dragging along...

Day 12...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal

I feel like I am in slow motion...the last 12 days seemed to have flown by but I still have about 20 days before my transfer...it is starting to feel like so far away.  I'm feeling very impatient.  I'm just so ready for this to happen...I just want to get the tww over with and know if it worked.  It scares me that it won't work...ugh, I hate this feeling.  I do feel hopeful tho...I have no reason to believe it won't work.  Maybe I'm just anxious...the excitement is just too much for me! 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

2011 Blizzard: The Sequel

Day 11...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, E2V injection

Well it was my first estrogen injection and I think that oil is thicker than the PIO!  DH did it for me since its in my hip and to hard for me to twist around and do...it bled a lot...I actually ended up putting a band aid on it.  I'm glad to get the first one over with!  I only do those on Tuesday and Thursdays so it won't be so bad!

It looks like tomorrow might be another snow day!  I'm kind of looking forward to it.  As much as I was off last week and then being off yesterday I really need to be at work but I brought tons of stuff home with me and I'm hoping I can get more done since I won't have my phone and email to distract me!  We'll see!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Long drive for a 20 minute appointment...

Day 10...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal....U/S and B/W

Well I had my first u/s and b/w for this cycle.  Everything on the u/s looked good...no cysts!!!  Thank goodness, I was a little worried after my fresh cycle and I had to have one aspirated!  That wasn't fun at all!  But everything looked good!  My lining looked awesome as always...its so weird to have someone tell you that your uterine lining looks nice and you take it as a compliment!  I had my E2 checked, my nurse said she'd only call me if there was a problem and I never heard from her so I guess it was ok!  I have to start my estrogen injections tomorrow...not looking forward to it but they are only 2 times a week...I will do those 2 times a week until my beta doubles...they won't be so bad until I start the PIO also...3 shots in the a$$ in 1 day doesn't sound fun!  I'm ready to get it going though!  This is finally starting to move fast...I can't believe I'm on day 10....Just a little over 2 weeks left!!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Well Damn...

Day 9...Lupron, Dexamethason, Prenatal

The Steelers lost...I'm totally bummed.  They just didn't make the plays they needed too and had too many turnovers!  Maybe we can try again next season!  I'm sad that football season is over already!!  I LOVE football, college and pro!  Now I have to find other ways to occupy my weekends until August!

Tomorrow is my u/s and b/w.  I'm anxious...I guess I just want to know that everything is going as it should and we are still on track...its too early for anything to go wrong so I don't know what I expect to find out!  Its going to be a long day!!  Guess I better get in bed!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

My ramblings...

Day 8...Lupron, Dexamethesone, Prenatal

Waking up at 7am on a Saturday for an injection is no fun...then trying to go back to sleep isn't easy!  It doesn't help that the Dex causes insomnia so if I don't get back to sleep quick then I'm up...I haven't slept past 10 since starting it...I usually sleep until at least noon on weekends!  Its kind of my thing...I like my sleep.  And it is now 1am and I'm wide awake!  My sister, bil, brother, sil and niece all came over this evening!  I love hanging out with all of them!  I feel so blessed to have such awesome siblings that I am so close to.  I can't imagine not having them around!  My sister is my best friend.  I feel like I can talk to her about anything without worrying what she'll think.  I know she will always have my back no matter what.  The same for my brother...he is 4 years younger than me and at times I feel like I mother him more than I maybe should be we have a great relationship!  He has grown up so much the last couple of years, I guess having a kid does that to you...now he has another one on the way.  I couldn't be more thrilled for him and his wife.  They have grown a lot together in the past year...I just hope they continue to grow as a couple and as parents.  Its important for me to have another baby b/c I want that kind of relationship for DS.  I want him to have a sibling he can share everything with.  I want him to have the same kind of support that I've had from my siblings.  It hurts me to think I may not be able to give him that.  People have said that I'm lucky to at least have Hutson and that I should be thankful for what I have.  And I am.  I am so thankful for DS but what if someone told them they could have only 1 of their 3 kids...No one told them to be thankful for their first child and not continue having more...they didn't have to face that b/c they didn't have to deal with infertility...Someone with 2 kids couldn't imagine life without that 2nd child...I know you can't miss something you never had but I do...I long for another child to love...to care for...I miss that baby that should be in my womb...I want so bad to touch my stomach and know there is a life in there...to know that the heartache is over...but it isn't...it continues.  I'm feeling very positive about my FET...I did get pregnant before so I know I can do it again...I just want so bad for it to work.  I try to prepare myself for the what ifs....what if it doesn't work, what if I have another m/c...what if it does work...what if I never have to try to conceive again...what if its all over in less than 30 days and I finally get my 2nd blessing...Can I be so lucky?  I would love more than anything to get pregnant on the 6 year anniversary of TTC!  I would love to put those 6 years behind us and never think about all of the heartache again. 

Friday, February 4, 2011

Still trying to figure this out...

So I'm new to the whole blogging thing...Where do I find cool layouts?  I've found some but they are very plain and my page just looks so generic...I want it to look more like me!  I can't do the whole html writing thing...I just want to click some buttons and make it happen...any pointers/tips are appreciated!!


Day 7...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal...AF!!!

So I've been waiting for AF since stopping the BCP and she arrived on time!!  I'm glad b/c with my fresh cycle I just had a very little bit of spotting.  So I am just waiting for my u/s and b/w on Monday!  I'm getting excited!!

I've got a busy weekend planned with UFC fights and the Superbowl!!  Ready to see my Steelers beat the Packers!!!!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

And another snow day...

Day 6...Lupron, Dexamethasone and Prenatal

If I don't get out of the house soon I might go crazy!!!  DH had a friend from work pick him up this morning but I decided to stay home b/c my stomach is hurting...idk if its the meds or I'm trying to get a stomach bug...I actually got sick last night and my stomach was cramping so bad I went to bed early...I'm feeling a little better now, just feel like I could yak!  I'm getting some AF cramps also...she should show today or tomorrow.  With my fresh cycle I had a very little spotting, I feel like I'm going to get more than that this go around...

I go to the RE on Monday...I'm excited!  It will just be an u/s and b/w.  I just pray I don't have a cyst like last time!  Since its a FET I don't even know if the cyst would bother anything...just keeping my FX I don't have to do another aspiration...that was AWFUL!!

Well I guess I will enjoy my snow day...maybe I will shovel the driveway later and try to get out....

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Enjoying the snow!!!

Thought I would share a few pics!

Another lazy day...

Day 6...Lupron, Dexamethasone and Prenatal

I'm done with BCP!!  I can't believe by the end of the month I will be doing my FET!  Not much going on, the needle didn't want to go in this morning and it hurt like hell!  I think its b/c I was barely awake...I need to get better at jabbing...I just kind of stick it in...I think I need to do it faster.  Some days its super easy and goes right in...other days I poke myself a couple of times before it goes in...You'd think I would be a pro at this by now...I'm not, I just kind of go with it.  Just a few more days and I have my first u/s and b/w!!  Yay!

We got another snow day!  Woohoo!  I've done some work from home, played in the snow with DS and now we are eating grilled cheese and tomato soup!  I love lazy days but I'm getting a little stir crazy too...boredom has set in!  Maybe I will take a nap this afternoon to pass the time!  Not sure if I will be able to get out tomorrow either!  Its still below freezing and the snow doesn't look like its going anywhere!  I'm thinking Friday might be the next time I can get out!  Oh well...I'm going to enjoy it while I can!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Its a blizzard...

Day 5...Lupron, Dexamethason, Prenatal, LAST BCP!!!!

I guess the weatherman was right!  Its snowing like crazy!  I will put pics up later! 

Monday, January 31, 2011

Snow day...

Day 4...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, BCP...only 1 more day of BCP!!!

It looks like we're getting a snow day tomorrow!  Well, that is if the weatherman is right!  They are saying 6-10 inches!  Woohoo!  DS won't be happy if he can't go out and play in the snow but if he doesn't stop coughing he's staying in!  DH and I have both been sick with this horrible cough and now DS has it...Its driving me crazy...I hate to hear him cough...he has a tiny bit of asthma so it freaks me out when he coughs so much.  I've got him taking cough medicine...the humidifier is going and we've used the inhaler so I'm hoping it eases up!

Hoping to enjoy the day tomorrow!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Awesome weekend...

Day 3...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, BCP!

Only 2 days of BCP left!  Just 1 week before my first u/s and b/w!  Yay!

So it was a great weekend!  We went to the Thunder/Heat game with my sister and bil!  I love hanging out with them.  We always have fun!  Yesterday was a beautiful 70 degrees...today it was more like 40...by tomorrow night it will be snowing and by Tuesday we are supposed to have 6-10 inches!  So hopefully we will get a snow day and get to be lazy on Tuesday!  I'm ready to play in the snow!  Then next weekend we have UFC fights Saturday night and then my Steelers are going to whoop the Packers in the Superbowl on Sunday!  I'm totally stoked!  Can't wait!!!!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

72 and counting...

Seventy-two months that is....that's how many months we've been TTC #2!  In the past seventy-two months I have seen 3 different REs...3 months of Clomid...5 failed IUIs...1 chemical pregnancy...countless hours sitting in waiting rooms...too many u/s to count...tons of blood work...1 IVF cycle...1 m/c at 11 weeks...and so much more.  But on the 6 year anniversary of TTC I'm doing my FET and I am very hopeful that it wasn't all for nothing...It has been so hard, physically and emotionally but I'm stronger b/c of it.  I will love this baby more b/c of all I have been through.  So as much as it hurts I know its for a reason.  I've had 6 years to spend with my DS...I will never have regrets about having another baby too soon and taking that time away from him...I know I've given him all I can and he will never feel like he isn't #1 in my life.  When/if we do have another baby it will be the baby we were meant to have.  That baby will change our lives just like DS changed our lives. 
Day 2...Lupron, Dexamethasone, Prenatal, BCP!

Getting up at 7am on a Saturday to do an injection sucks...its kind of hard to go back to sleep after all that!  I got back to sleep ok tho...the Dex causes insomnia so if I'm up for too long its game over!  So I've got to get it done and get back in bed!  I had a dream last night that I POAS and it was blazing BFP!!  Then I freaked out b/c I hadn't even had my FET yet...lol..I take that as a sign that someone in my TWW group needs to POAS b/c it will be blazing! 

I love that there is somewhere I can go and talk to other women who can relate to what I'm going through.  I can't imagine going through this whole process without TWW.com!  Its amazing to have so much support...it doesn't matter if you have good news or bad...there is always someone there to help you celebrate or make you feel better!  I love it!!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

And it begins...

Day 1...Lupron injection, dexamethasone, prenatal and bcp!

I'm so excited to finally get started.  I feel like it has taken forever to get here...it felt like that with my fresh cycle but once I got started it just flew by! 

Well...I have to gush about my DH for a moment.  Little back story about how we met...we went to the same HS.  He graduated with my sister 2 years before me.  We're from a small town so I've always known him but we didn't really hang out in the same circles.  After I graduated HS I had planned on going out with my sister and her boyfriend (not her husband) and a few friends...well my DH was there...we were the only singles there (later found out it was a total set up)...long story short we've been together every since!  Just 6 months after we started dating I found out I was pregnant...shocked doesn't even describe how we felt...but it was a good shocked.  As soon as I told DH he asked me to marry him!  It was all happening so fast that we didn't know when to actually get married...so at 8 1/2 months along I decided we had to get married before I had DS...I freaked at the thought of me not having his last name and then I was terrified we would never find the time...so I planned our quiet/backyard wedding in just 5 days!  It was small and just close family and it was beautiful!  I wouldn't trade it for the world!  Exactly 2 weeks after we got married we welcomed DS.  He is just so perfect for me.  Even on our bad days we still don't really fight...we get annoyed with each other and get mad but we never go to bed mad...we always talk it out.  We also work together, we have for over a year.  Everyone thinks we are crazy but people we work with are amazed at how well we work together...we bicker and I fire him daily (he is actually my supervisor)  but at the end of the day we get the job done and don't stress about work.  I know I'm rambling but I just feel like I need to get my feelings out...idk...I'm a dork...I just flippin love my husband.  We have been together for 8 1/2 years and married for 7 1/2 years!!  Thats just crazy...although sometimes it feels like we've been together for 20 years!  Its amazing to think this is the man I am spending the rest of my life with...the man I will grow old with...I get all teary just thinking about it...oh I just love him!

Ok...I'm done with all the mush!  I just love my life! 

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Tomorrow it all begins!!

I start Lupron tomorrow!!  I also have to start dexamethasone which sucks...it gives me the munchies!  So that 15 pounds I've lost will just come right back!  Oh well...b/c at the end of all this I hope to be knocked up so a little extra weight won't be noticed in a few months!  Or the weight will be noticed just not in a "wow she got fat" kind of way and more of a "look at that cute bump" kind of way! 

So...total change of subject...I LOVE American Idol and I must say I'm super excited about Steven Tyler and J Lo as judges...I must admit...I have a little bit of a crush on Steven Tyler! 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What am I going to do with him?

So, my oh so adorable DS is so funny.  He isn't your regular 7 year old.  He is honestly the best kid ever.  I don't know how I got so lucky!  He is so laid back, sweet, funny...just an awesome kid!  Earlier this month he lost his first tooth.  It wasn't easy...it had been loose for over a month and once it got REALLY lose he didn't want to mess with it anymore.  So every day I would ask him to wiggle it...he got so annoyed with me but he really needed to get it out b/c the other tooth was coming in...I've never dealt with a loose tooth so I had no idea what to do or how long to let it go...so I bugged him about it.  It finally got to the point I told him we were going to the dentist...long story short...the dentist pulled his tooth.  He was such a trooper tho and did great!  Since then he has told me he won't tell me if he ever has another loose tooth b/c I bugged him so much the last time.  So of course it makes me feel bad!  I want him to tell me and be excited.  So today he stayed home sick with DH...I get home and DH tells me that DS showed him a new loose tooth and told him "Don't tell Mommy, you know how she acted last time!"  He is such a mess!  I'm sure he will fess up in the next few days but its hilarious that he is holding such a grudge about it!  I guess he has to learn sooner or later that's what Moms are for! 

Oh no...

I'm so emotional...already?  I'm blaming it on the BCP...I've been on them 2 months and I only have 6 days left!!  Thank goodness! 

I just feel like crying!  Over everything...over nothing...I'm so excited about my FET but I'm sad that I'm even having to do it.  I should be picking names...nursery colors...I should be enrolling in birthing classes...planning a baby shower.  But I'm not.  I'm picking up prescriptions...planning my calendar for the next month so I can do it all again.   Even if I the FET works I still won't be able to be happy...then I have to worry about the first u/s...the 2nd u/s...is there a hb...then making it to 12 weeks...and then...it won't end...I just wish I could POAS...see 2 lines and be excited to know I'd be bringing home a baby in 9 months....Infertility SUCKS!! 

Monday, January 24, 2011

I wondered when that would happen...

I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my PIO and estrogen...before I got there I remembered I would be a few BCPs short and my prenatals will be out soon so I called and had those refilled also.  So when I pick up all my meds the tech sd the Pharmacist wanted to talk to me.  I've been going to this pharmacy for 5 years, all the techs and Pharmacist know me well so I didn't think too much of it...so she says "Um, Kortney...you do know you are taking BCP and PIO and estrogen are used for reproduction?"  I laughed and told her I was doing a FET...the worried look on her face went away.  Not sure what she thought I was doing but she seemed relieved to know it was legit! 

Only 4 more days and I start Lupron and Dexamethasone!!!  I just have about a week of BCP!  Its all starting to happen!!  Woohoo!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

This is what all the excitement is about....

Who knew?  Who knew I'd be so excited about jabbing myself countless times with needles over the next month...It actually isn't as bad as it sounds.  I did the math with my fresh cycle...it was around 100 injections in 6 weeks.  I will have to double up on progesterone so that means 2 injections in my a$$ a day!  Those are no fun!  My FET will end up with about 200 injections when its all said and done..that is if I get my BFP...

Lupron and my needles...there will be 25 injections of this one...
Progesterone injections...if I get a BFP and will end up doing about 140 of these...YIKES!
and this is my calendar...all of the color coating is a different injection or pill I have to take that day...once I know when my FET will be I will get an updated calendar...

I'm excited to share my journey and hopefully help other women who are stuggling with infertility!

My first blog ever...

So...I'm new to blogging but I wanted to share my journey.  I start my Lupron injections in 5 days!  I'm excited and nervous to get started.  I know the FET will be less stressful that the fresh IVF cycle but there is still so much to worry about.  I'm going to do as much as possible to "de-stress" and not think about it too much!  We'll see how long that lasts!