Saturday, February 5, 2011

My ramblings...

Day 8...Lupron, Dexamethesone, Prenatal

Waking up at 7am on a Saturday for an injection is no fun...then trying to go back to sleep isn't easy!  It doesn't help that the Dex causes insomnia so if I don't get back to sleep quick then I'm up...I haven't slept past 10 since starting it...I usually sleep until at least noon on weekends!  Its kind of my thing...I like my sleep.  And it is now 1am and I'm wide awake!  My sister, bil, brother, sil and niece all came over this evening!  I love hanging out with all of them!  I feel so blessed to have such awesome siblings that I am so close to.  I can't imagine not having them around!  My sister is my best friend.  I feel like I can talk to her about anything without worrying what she'll think.  I know she will always have my back no matter what.  The same for my brother...he is 4 years younger than me and at times I feel like I mother him more than I maybe should be we have a great relationship!  He has grown up so much the last couple of years, I guess having a kid does that to he has another one on the way.  I couldn't be more thrilled for him and his wife.  They have grown a lot together in the past year...I just hope they continue to grow as a couple and as parents.  Its important for me to have another baby b/c I want that kind of relationship for DS.  I want him to have a sibling he can share everything with.  I want him to have the same kind of support that I've had from my siblings.  It hurts me to think I may not be able to give him that.  People have said that I'm lucky to at least have Hutson and that I should be thankful for what I have.  And I am.  I am so thankful for DS but what if someone told them they could have only 1 of their 3 kids...No one told them to be thankful for their first child and not continue having more...they didn't have to face that b/c they didn't have to deal with infertility...Someone with 2 kids couldn't imagine life without that 2nd child...I know you can't miss something you never had but I do...I long for another child to care for...I miss that baby that should be in my womb...I want so bad to touch my stomach and know there is a life in know that the heartache is over...but it isn' continues.  I'm feeling very positive about my FET...I did get pregnant before so I know I can do it again...I just want so bad for it to work.  I try to prepare myself for the what ifs....what if it doesn't work, what if I have another m/c...what if it does work...what if I never have to try to conceive again...what if its all over in less than 30 days and I finally get my 2nd blessing...Can I be so lucky?  I would love more than anything to get pregnant on the 6 year anniversary of TTC!  I would love to put those 6 years behind us and never think about all of the heartache again. 

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